Sunday, October 2, 2011

The Legacy: Part 10

Aimes has been having some difficulty adjusting to life in the Lo Household.

Although that could have something to do with an incident she had with Mathis on her first night there.
He's starting on his lady-killing a little early in life. 

She was finding she couldn't so much as get out of bed without tripping over a child.
 Aimes: "Y U NO GROW UP?!"

Aimes: "And what the hell is this shit in my face?!"

So she and Aedin decided to get away for a while and went on a honeymoon in Egypt!

Where Aedin continued her world tour for explorers...
 ...much to everyone's dismay.

But she didn't mind their assholery because there were pyramids to explore! So with Aimes in tow, she went to uncover ancient secrets.

And smash ancient rocks.

While Aimes supervised.
Aimes: "Fuck! I chipped a nail just by watching all the hard manual labor you're doing!"
Aimes: "And there is entirely too much dust flying around!"

 Aimes: "But damned if you getting all sweaty isn't making me hot!"

When the tent's a-rockin, don't come a-knockin.

So while Aimes went around collecting all the treasure, Aedin caught herself on fire.
Aedin: "My ass is hot!!"

But Aimes was too busy making a new friend to notice.
 She's so badass she made a dead guy piss himself in fear.

From all the time she spends folding towels at the gym, Aimes figured she had enough knowledge of athletics to take a scrawny wad of bandages in a fight.

But then this happened!

The whole embarassing ordeal of getting beaten by a guy half her weight and a million times her age caused Aimes to pass out. Fortunately Aedin's vampiric strength allowed her to drag Aimes' sorry ass back to camp.
Aedin: "You'll be fine. Just a little more derp than usual."

Sleep it off, sissy.
 I wish I could see the look on the face of the editor for the Egyptian paparazzi magazine when he's presented with photos of a tent.

They decided to spend the next day hanging around the camp in order to stay safe, but that turned out to be an equally bad idea.
 Seems the explorers were feeling pretty hostile about Aedin's opening gig and spent HOURS shitting themselves in anger about it.

 Jackass One: "Fuck off, hippy!"

But Aedin wasn't about to be scared off!
 Star power activated!

But the hostility just escalated.

Which is when I realized something...
 Holy fuck, they just hate lesbians.

 WTF, EXPLORERS?! Don't be haters!

But then there was this woman who was just pissed at her own stench.

Needless to say, they decided to get the hell out of there before anyone tried to burn their tent down. But what's this now?
Some sort of mummy's curse perhaps?

And just how the fuck do you manage to break a hole in the ground?
 Way to go Aedin! Maybe you should try reading some plumbing books next.

The Legacy: Part 9

I mostly just thought this picture looked hot. Get that tongue in there!

Aedin and Aimes (these 'A' names are going to be the death of me) FINALLY got their chance to enjoy a round of leapfrog!
In the baby's room, no less. Good for them!

And speaking of babies, Matty is a very happy daddy once again.

Oh yes, he is simply THRILLED about the new baby penis in the family.

In fact, he SO thrilled about being a dad that he took a moment to recall how many times he has knocked his wife up now.
And it turns out that Aimes isn't really into kids.

 Matty: "So that was once in the hot tub...and in the elevator...and our wedding three more times should be good, I think."

That kind of talk started to freak Aimes out a bit.
 I think this look says "keep that shit out of my uterus".

Aw, come on. You know you want a baby Aimes.
Oh yeah, totally looking forward to motherhood.

And while little Mathis was wriggling around on the floor, he grew up into a toddler!
With durp hair! Do-over!

MUCH better!
 He's so fucking cute. He better stay that way when he grows up.

 Look at this kid. I seriously hope he grows up to be a lady killer.

And then I realized the back of his shirt has a panda ass!
 That's fantastic.

Aedin was so energized after losing her virginity that she decided to tend her garden... her lingerie.

Did I mention this girl's boobs yet? I'm going to mention them again just to make sure.

Instead of having a private at-home wedding, Aedin and Aimes decided to get married at the park where they met with a handful of guests.

Their old butler showed up. 
 I guess to a butler "formal attire" means dressing down?

And look at this asshole who finally cleared his schedule!

Matty didn't care though. He was too busy having a contest with Mathis to see who could fit their hand in their mouth.

The ceremony got underway. OG Matty started up some serious waterworks.

Pretty much everyone was feeling the beauty of the moment. Even that random guy in the blue jacket who was just walking by.

But OG Matty was taking it ESPECIALLY hard.
 So I started to wonder if Matty was crying as hard as his OG self when I realized he was NOWHERE TO BE FOUND!

That's right! He glitched himself right back home to stare at a wall.
 You the man, Matty. You the man.

No one really noticed anyway.
 And Ashlyn even creeped at their wedding. Get a hobby! You know, something other than piano, bass, guitar, drums, sex?


Aimes' very first durp...
 Welcome to the family.

Aimes was SO excited about joining the Lo household that she pissed herself immediately after the ceremony.

Then had a massive panic attack about it.

Probably because the ex-butler was laughing at her.

The party started to clear out without me even realizing it. Before I knew it Ashlyn had run off to take a subway, and I found Aedin halfway home in her mom's Mustang.

And then THIS happened.
YES, that is Aimes walking away from the park stinking like piss and leaving Mathis with the ex-butler!

But I made her go back and get him. Ya know, since his BLOOD relatives couldn't be bothered to take him home with them!

Parenting? That's for losers who don't have books to read.

Meanwhile, OG Matty continued durping.
Ceremony's over, bro.

Everyone made it back home just fine, and Aimes' stench made an Egyptian paparazzi guy vomit on the sidewalk in front of the house.
 And Cori missed the whole thing because I was retarded and forgot that little kids have to be at school at noon on Fridays. Not like it matters though since Matty missed the whole thing too.